About Steak
A loaded gun
The rare steak is the Russian Roulette of animal consumption (eating undercooked pork and chicken is just suicidal). Although a rare steak doesn’t quite give you that adrenaline rush of a 1-in-6 chance of blowing your brains out, it is awful tasty and potentially dangerous if a restaurant isn’t up to code.
The rare steak is the perfect meal; it’s a defining moment for us as human beings—our gigantic, screaming fuck you to the entire food chain. Not only did we just raise this beast that weighs 10 times what the average man does just to kill it and eat it, but we’re not even going to cook it. I win, cow.
You could make a case that the Japanese do us one better when they eat raw steak, chicken and fish. But Rufus don’t really trust the Japanese. They’re not fat enough and the ones that are wear thongs.
Other than that, Rufus thinks we would get along pretty well, the Japanese and us. They like rice wine; we dig corn liquor. They like uncooked food; we like undercooked food. They represent words with symbols; we prefer to use the picture menu at a restaurant. They wear robes; sometimes we’ll cover ourselves with a curtain with arm holes. It’s like we’re brothers that we occasionally encamp.
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