Big fucking steak
Whether it's a steak or a vagina, Rufus will hit that.
We can eat steak for every meal. Steak and eggs for brekkie, steak sandwich at lunch (prime rib sandwich is the best), a pan-fry steak for dinner and a nice, fat choice steak with plenty of fat on it for supper (if you just got paid, splurge for the prime steak.)
Of course, if you do all that all day, every day, you run the risk of your heart raising the white flag as it’s drowning in a sea of cholesterol, but you gain the respect of everyone in the Cornhusker state.
Rufus is not sure if anyone has ever died of a cholesterol overdose from an all-day meat bender, but if they had, they were obviously from out of town and trying to win a t-shirt as they were passing through.
As cool as it sounds, eating a 3-to-5 pound steak at a restaurant to try to get a t-shirt isn’t as glamorous as the liberal media makes it out to be. In Nebraska, we don’t have too many of these colonic challenges. Thankfully, most of this food abuse takes place in Texas.
A steak is meant to go with something to make a meal. Bread, salad, potatoes, steak fries, a smaller steak: It’s a part of a whole. It’s not THE meal. It’s not supposed to be a biological weapon you experiment on yourself with.
Any steak larger than 16 ounces should be considered a controlled substance. Your daily limit of cholesterol is supposed to be about 250 milligrams or less. A pound of steak puts you well over that recommended limit. Of course, that’s just a recommendation and we don’t really like to limit ourselves.
The 72-ounce steak that you can eat to win the t-shirt is not your friend. If you can even picture yourself sitting down at a table and eating a 72-ounce steak in an hour, picture a nun doing blow for the first time. It’s the same thing. That blow (or God) will kill the nun. That steak could kill you, turning your family’s life upside down with the fork being the tool of destruction.
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