Rufus is not sure if anyone has ever died of a cholesterol overdose from an all-day meat bender, but if they had, they were obviously from out of town and trying to win a t-shirt as they were passing through.
Just because a person’s fat doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t like or want sex. Quite the contrary. Despite the extra humanity and no Midwestern good looks, an overweight person is still human and desires sex, even if they’re from the Midwest where most sex is illegal.
Rufus doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with being big boned. Part of our heritage, our genetics, is being either burly or Henry-Fonda-in-Grapes-of-Wrath skeletal.
Like love and marriage, like chocolate and peanut butter, like incest and birth defects, few Nebraskans can live without their guns and booze.
As a hick who also left the sticks, the first thing you tell people back home about living in the Big City is the way other people act, because it’s startling. People act different from us. They don’t smile for no reason, they don’t say hello, they don’t make eye contact (at the risk of getting shot), they don’t open doors, they’re loud, they’re obnoxious, they try ultra-hard to be individuals to the point of conforming and, most of all, they don’t want you there. And it’s shocking.
See, in Nebraska we’re not real experienced at protesting like you Coastal Whale-savers, partly because we have basic knowledge of how things work.
